Saturday, June 12, 2010
I’m very unhappy these days, but you cant blame me for being unhappy.
Yes I love to have fun and stay happy, I never used to worry about problems because I think they’ll just solve on their own, but no I’m quite wrong…some things you just have to be strong and go through em.
Im not gonna pretend to be happy when im not, that’s just the way I am…so deal with it.
And if you cant deal with it, then shut the fcuk up and get outta my life…I don’t need you like you don’t need me.
I don’t like to be hurt and I guess I have a fear of being hurt, I’m scared to let go of the ones I love and I’m scared that the one I love doesn’t want to have me in their life.
I’m writing this with tears swelling up my eyes.
I came home tonight from my grandma’s with tears in my eyes, you know why?
This may sound funny to you but I got really angry at the kids who bullied me since they were born.
Yeah they're kids? But who gives a fcuk; I’ll treat em like they treat me.
In my family out of the grandkids I’m the oldest, so of course the younger ones get away with EVERYTHING!
I’m the loudest out of em all, so if something happens…I’ll speak out loud when something happens, suddenly everything is my fault!
I don’t want to live a life like that, where I get blamed on the things I didn’t do.
Tonight I got pinched by a kid, who pinched me right at the hip because I didn’t let her touch my zip and yet I got hit by a pillow because I had done something to her… that annoyed her.
And her dad will be so proud of his kids because they treat me like that, but what’s there to be proud of?
The reason he’s proud is because apparently I was a bitch to him when I was little, well I don’t think so… I’m surely wasn’t a bitch to him when I was little… and whatever I did back then didn’t really matter because I was the only grandchild, the only niece and the only child, so I was forgiven for almost everything.
There is nothing to be proud of having kids that just don’t listen to what you say.
I used to love kids and I used to think that I’ll have a family of my own one day, but those dreams had stopped ever since my two cousins came out.
Each and everyday or every weekend, the oldest always gets bullied, always have to face the constant annoying clingyness.
I DON’T FCUKING LIKE IT!
But this is not the only thing that makes me unhappy, letting go of someone I love cos I have to is killing me.
Yes I was in love with him and I will always love him… as they say your first love will scare you for life.
Well im scared for life with him, even if he doesn’t feel the same way or even if he doesn’t need me in his life anymore, I’ll still love him and nothing is ever going to stop that.
But you have to understand that letting go of an important person or something will make you unhappy… so please just bare with me and give me support.
Cos im sick and tired of loving someone who doesn’t love you and looking like kids thinking your actually related.
I cant do this anymore :(
Yes I love to have fun and stay happy, I never used to worry about problems because I think they’ll just solve on their own, but no I’m quite wrong…some things you just have to be strong and go through em.
Im not gonna pretend to be happy when im not, that’s just the way I am…so deal with it.
And if you cant deal with it, then shut the fcuk up and get outta my life…I don’t need you like you don’t need me.
I don’t like to be hurt and I guess I have a fear of being hurt, I’m scared to let go of the ones I love and I’m scared that the one I love doesn’t want to have me in their life.
I’m writing this with tears swelling up my eyes.
I came home tonight from my grandma’s with tears in my eyes, you know why?
This may sound funny to you but I got really angry at the kids who bullied me since they were born.
Yeah they're kids? But who gives a fcuk; I’ll treat em like they treat me.
In my family out of the grandkids I’m the oldest, so of course the younger ones get away with EVERYTHING!
I’m the loudest out of em all, so if something happens…I’ll speak out loud when something happens, suddenly everything is my fault!
I don’t want to live a life like that, where I get blamed on the things I didn’t do.
Tonight I got pinched by a kid, who pinched me right at the hip because I didn’t let her touch my zip and yet I got hit by a pillow because I had done something to her… that annoyed her.
And her dad will be so proud of his kids because they treat me like that, but what’s there to be proud of?
The reason he’s proud is because apparently I was a bitch to him when I was little, well I don’t think so… I’m surely wasn’t a bitch to him when I was little… and whatever I did back then didn’t really matter because I was the only grandchild, the only niece and the only child, so I was forgiven for almost everything.
There is nothing to be proud of having kids that just don’t listen to what you say.
I used to love kids and I used to think that I’ll have a family of my own one day, but those dreams had stopped ever since my two cousins came out.
Each and everyday or every weekend, the oldest always gets bullied, always have to face the constant annoying clingyness.
I DON’T FCUKING LIKE IT!
But this is not the only thing that makes me unhappy, letting go of someone I love cos I have to is killing me.
Yes I was in love with him and I will always love him… as they say your first love will scare you for life.
Well im scared for life with him, even if he doesn’t feel the same way or even if he doesn’t need me in his life anymore, I’ll still love him and nothing is ever going to stop that.
But you have to understand that letting go of an important person or something will make you unhappy… so please just bare with me and give me support.
Cos im sick and tired of loving someone who doesn’t love you and looking like kids thinking your actually related.
I cant do this anymore :(
♥thanks for reading
8:13 PM
8:13 PM