Sunday, July 18, 2010
Last night was my birthday party and I received a lot of hugs... well obviously, birthday hugs.
But when Jason gave me his goodbye hug before he went home... I went blank and got lost in the moment. And then I realised, I miss him so much.
Fiona did not go home til nearly 1-ish and we had this really nice deep late night convo... those are the nights I kinda enjoy (: As I was talking to her, she realised that I miss him and didn't wanna let go.
That hug may not mean something to him cos it was just a birthday hug. But yes it means something more to me.
♥
But when Jason gave me his goodbye hug before he went home... I went blank and got lost in the moment. And then I realised, I miss him so much.
Fiona did not go home til nearly 1-ish and we had this really nice deep late night convo... those are the nights I kinda enjoy (: As I was talking to her, she realised that I miss him and didn't wanna let go.
That hug may not mean something to him cos it was just a birthday hug. But yes it means something more to me.
♥
♥thanks for reading
4:04 PM
4:04 PM
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
It's funny how, he's the first person I think about when I wake up in the morning. And he's the last person I think about before i go to sleep.
I wish that he was here with me now, cos I miss the way he used to hug me and cuddle me.
(:
I wish that he was here with me now, cos I miss the way he used to hug me and cuddle me.
(:
♥thanks for reading
1:04 PM
1:04 PM
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
You know the guy i like.. Jason? Well couple of weeks ago i may have been a bit devo because i swear that all the negatives raped over me. Anyways the negatives that i kept thinking about was "What If he doesn't like me and I'm wasting my time?" that was the main negative that kept making me confused about whether i should move on or not =/.
These days I had people who kept asking me, if i still like him? and i would always answer no. Because I thought that i was over him. Then Fiona was like to me today "Do you still like Jason?" and my reply was "no... but i don't know, whenever he has something to do with a girl... i have a problem." then Fiona was like "your not over him." And thanks to her pointing it out, i realised that i have been avoiding the fact that i like him because avoiding this situation actually makes me happier than worrying about this situation.
But Joel said, the more you keep avoiding the sooner you'll move on. Well I don't know, if avoiding this makes me happy, then that's what I'll keep doing.
♥
These days I had people who kept asking me, if i still like him? and i would always answer no. Because I thought that i was over him. Then Fiona was like to me today "Do you still like Jason?" and my reply was "no... but i don't know, whenever he has something to do with a girl... i have a problem." then Fiona was like "your not over him." And thanks to her pointing it out, i realised that i have been avoiding the fact that i like him because avoiding this situation actually makes me happier than worrying about this situation.
But Joel said, the more you keep avoiding the sooner you'll move on. Well I don't know, if avoiding this makes me happy, then that's what I'll keep doing.
♥
♥thanks for reading
9:11 PM
9:11 PM
Saturday, June 12, 2010
I’m very unhappy these days, but you cant blame me for being unhappy.
Yes I love to have fun and stay happy, I never used to worry about problems because I think they’ll just solve on their own, but no I’m quite wrong…some things you just have to be strong and go through em.
Im not gonna pretend to be happy when im not, that’s just the way I am…so deal with it.
And if you cant deal with it, then shut the fcuk up and get outta my life…I don’t need you like you don’t need me.
I don’t like to be hurt and I guess I have a fear of being hurt, I’m scared to let go of the ones I love and I’m scared that the one I love doesn’t want to have me in their life.
I’m writing this with tears swelling up my eyes.
I came home tonight from my grandma’s with tears in my eyes, you know why?
This may sound funny to you but I got really angry at the kids who bullied me since they were born.
Yeah they're kids? But who gives a fcuk; I’ll treat em like they treat me.
In my family out of the grandkids I’m the oldest, so of course the younger ones get away with EVERYTHING!
I’m the loudest out of em all, so if something happens…I’ll speak out loud when something happens, suddenly everything is my fault!
I don’t want to live a life like that, where I get blamed on the things I didn’t do.
Tonight I got pinched by a kid, who pinched me right at the hip because I didn’t let her touch my zip and yet I got hit by a pillow because I had done something to her… that annoyed her.
And her dad will be so proud of his kids because they treat me like that, but what’s there to be proud of?
The reason he’s proud is because apparently I was a bitch to him when I was little, well I don’t think so… I’m surely wasn’t a bitch to him when I was little… and whatever I did back then didn’t really matter because I was the only grandchild, the only niece and the only child, so I was forgiven for almost everything.
There is nothing to be proud of having kids that just don’t listen to what you say.
I used to love kids and I used to think that I’ll have a family of my own one day, but those dreams had stopped ever since my two cousins came out.
Each and everyday or every weekend, the oldest always gets bullied, always have to face the constant annoying clingyness.
I DON’T FCUKING LIKE IT!
But this is not the only thing that makes me unhappy, letting go of someone I love cos I have to is killing me.
Yes I was in love with him and I will always love him… as they say your first love will scare you for life.
Well im scared for life with him, even if he doesn’t feel the same way or even if he doesn’t need me in his life anymore, I’ll still love him and nothing is ever going to stop that.
But you have to understand that letting go of an important person or something will make you unhappy… so please just bare with me and give me support.
Cos im sick and tired of loving someone who doesn’t love you and looking like kids thinking your actually related.
I cant do this anymore :(
Yes I love to have fun and stay happy, I never used to worry about problems because I think they’ll just solve on their own, but no I’m quite wrong…some things you just have to be strong and go through em.
Im not gonna pretend to be happy when im not, that’s just the way I am…so deal with it.
And if you cant deal with it, then shut the fcuk up and get outta my life…I don’t need you like you don’t need me.
I don’t like to be hurt and I guess I have a fear of being hurt, I’m scared to let go of the ones I love and I’m scared that the one I love doesn’t want to have me in their life.
I’m writing this with tears swelling up my eyes.
I came home tonight from my grandma’s with tears in my eyes, you know why?
This may sound funny to you but I got really angry at the kids who bullied me since they were born.
Yeah they're kids? But who gives a fcuk; I’ll treat em like they treat me.
In my family out of the grandkids I’m the oldest, so of course the younger ones get away with EVERYTHING!
I’m the loudest out of em all, so if something happens…I’ll speak out loud when something happens, suddenly everything is my fault!
I don’t want to live a life like that, where I get blamed on the things I didn’t do.
Tonight I got pinched by a kid, who pinched me right at the hip because I didn’t let her touch my zip and yet I got hit by a pillow because I had done something to her… that annoyed her.
And her dad will be so proud of his kids because they treat me like that, but what’s there to be proud of?
The reason he’s proud is because apparently I was a bitch to him when I was little, well I don’t think so… I’m surely wasn’t a bitch to him when I was little… and whatever I did back then didn’t really matter because I was the only grandchild, the only niece and the only child, so I was forgiven for almost everything.
There is nothing to be proud of having kids that just don’t listen to what you say.
I used to love kids and I used to think that I’ll have a family of my own one day, but those dreams had stopped ever since my two cousins came out.
Each and everyday or every weekend, the oldest always gets bullied, always have to face the constant annoying clingyness.
I DON’T FCUKING LIKE IT!
But this is not the only thing that makes me unhappy, letting go of someone I love cos I have to is killing me.
Yes I was in love with him and I will always love him… as they say your first love will scare you for life.
Well im scared for life with him, even if he doesn’t feel the same way or even if he doesn’t need me in his life anymore, I’ll still love him and nothing is ever going to stop that.
But you have to understand that letting go of an important person or something will make you unhappy… so please just bare with me and give me support.
Cos im sick and tired of loving someone who doesn’t love you and looking like kids thinking your actually related.
I cant do this anymore :(
♥thanks for reading
8:13 PM
8:13 PM
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Just a few mins ago, i had read dalena's blog. It was a life time story, i was reading it...while feeling the pain she feels now. I gotta say i'm impressed with the way she straight out admits stuff, like the name of the guy she likes. Maybe cos he doesnt read it? I wish i could do that, just straight out admit who i like. But no i dont wanna do that, cos i be the one whose hurt in the end. But what i just cant believe is, he thinks that i dont like him that way.. well isnt it obvious? or is he just acting dumb? Maybe i should grow some balls like dalena and just come clean and write names, dont you think? *sighs* well here i go. An hour ago, i felt abit devo :( cos i kept thinking about the negatives and the answers jason's gonna give me. He said to joel that he doesnt think i like him.. isnt it obvious? or you trying to act dumb? If i get a rejection from jason, i'm sure i cannot accept that because that's not the answer i wanna hear... i mean why would i wanna hear that right? Maybe jason doesnt like me, cos he knows that i can never replace what him and evar had.
:(
:(
♥thanks for reading
11:16 PM
11:16 PM
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
I can't stop thinkin about what we once had together
Our love didn't last forever
I want my life to be shared with chu
But my life would be worthless without you beside me
Everyday i think of you
Even tho your not my man, i still think of you
I always seem to rewind to the times we were huggin & kissin.. just like a goddamn flashback
I still think of us
It's hard for me to forget that your all I want
It was a stupid mistake to let you go
What do i do now, when i think of you?
Do you remember the day when you first kissed me?
I can remember, cause that was like a dream that i'll never forget
Being with other guys, isnt the love i get like i got from you
All those time, i was wishing it was you
Hoping & praying that you understand how much i love you
I'm trying & waiting to tell you how much i need you
But i know, i've never said enough i love yous
But now i know in my heart, i will never love no-one as much as i love you.
♥
Our love didn't last forever
I want my life to be shared with chu
But my life would be worthless without you beside me
Everyday i think of you
Even tho your not my man, i still think of you
I always seem to rewind to the times we were huggin & kissin.. just like a goddamn flashback
I still think of us
It's hard for me to forget that your all I want
It was a stupid mistake to let you go
What do i do now, when i think of you?
Do you remember the day when you first kissed me?
I can remember, cause that was like a dream that i'll never forget
Being with other guys, isnt the love i get like i got from you
All those time, i was wishing it was you
Hoping & praying that you understand how much i love you
I'm trying & waiting to tell you how much i need you
But i know, i've never said enough i love yous
But now i know in my heart, i will never love no-one as much as i love you.
♥
♥thanks for reading
7:23 PM
7:23 PM
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Have you ever had a feeling, when the guy that you like doesn't give you the same vibe like you do. Have you ever wonder why tho, cos i have.
Me & my girl had a discussion, wanting to know how you really feel.
Why asked that question before, when you dont mean it in the future?
You got my hopes up and then you just yank out my heart,
like ripping pieces of paper, bit by bit.
I waited, and yet i'm still waiting.
What am I going to do now ?
You kept me waiting,
Why keep my hopes up.
I dont mean a thing to you, do i ?
The long period of time, liking you.
Is really killing me.
Hearing an answer that I dont wanna hear,
I just cant accept that & move on.
I just cant....
You kept me waiting,
Why keep my hopes up.
I dont mean a thing to you, do i ?
The long period of time, liking you.
Is really killing me.
Hearing an answer that I dont wanna hear,
I just cant accept that & move on.
I just cant....
♥
♥thanks for reading
10:13 PM
10:13 PM